69 Lessons Learned from Latin Lovers

69 Lessons Learned from Latin Lovers
The one that got away. Lesson #16

69. Latin women love same-side sitting. I think it’s sexy if done with the right person and food selection (When eating ribs respect the space).

68. Chivalry isn’t dead gentlemen. Open doors, pull out chairs and offer your jacket.

67. Unlike American women, don’t expect Latin women to thank you for your chivalry, it’s expected.

66. You need to set a precedent early on… NO SURPRISE VISITS. They’re dangerous and will become more and more frequent. Not to mention they’re unexpected.

65. Never trust a woman who drives a mustang.

64. Never fight over a woman, but you can fight to defend a woman.

63. If you find a hot Ecuadorian woman you better hold on to her.

62. When in Argentina, drink a little Fernet and coke after dinner and it will help with digestion.

61. When in Colombia, order a bottle of Aguadiente vs individual drinks. It’s cheaper and you can share with neighboring tables.

60. One Night Stands: American girls won’t stay for breakfast. Latin girls won’t leave.

59. It’s cool to sit in a park and do absolutely nothing. Just enjoy the day and the company.

58. Women on Internet dating sites in Latin America carry the same baggage as those on dating sites in the United States (surveyed).

57. Pay by the hour hotel rooms (telos) aren’t just for drug dealers and prostitutes.

56. If she knows where the cheap telos are outside her neighborhood, pump the brakes and think about it.

55. In South America, discotecas are what we call Night Clubs and Night Clubs are what we call places where you pay women to have sex with you.

54. Strip clubs in Latin America aren’t like those in the States; lap dances are like a free sample. You pay to go, not for the show.

53. Hookers are people too (just a lot dirtier).

52. Gringo hunters are real and they can be very persuasive. Always keep the green card factor in mind. Sometimes you have to play defense.

51. Make an attempt to learn the local language. Men will respect you for it and women think it’s cute.

50. If you surround yourself with tourists, you’ll be treated like one.

49. Playing the “strong silent” type can be a great angle if you don’t know what anyone is saying.

48. Everyone in the world speaks body language. Not everyone understands body shots though.

47. Latin Punctuality Guide – Work: on time, Date: 10-20 minutes late, Party: 1-2 hours late.

46. Some Colombian girls get fake boobs for their Quinceañera (sweet 15). Argentine women get fake boobs through their health insurance. What a world.

45. Butt implants are like jelly fish. They’re awesome to look at but you don’t want to get too close.

44. Never underestimate the power of a good wingman.

43. Don’t let your date drink too much. When she starts throwing food or dancing with the doorman, it’s time to cut her off.

42. Don’t drink too much on a date. When you start spilling drinks or confessing your love, it’s time to cut yourself off.

41. Pace yourself at a nightclub. Take the first half hour to just watch the club dynamics before approaching anyone. It might save yourself from a angry boyfriend or big friends.

40. If you turn and admire a beautiful women walk by in Latin America you’re not a pervert, you’re a man.

39. If things are going really bad, shut up. If things are going really good, shut up.

38. If ever in doubt, stop and think… what would James Bond do right now?

37. Never come to a party empty handed.

36. If you hear a knock on the door late at night when you’re with company… don’t answer it unless you’re missing somebody.

35. Gift Guide Based on Relationship: 1-night: Chocolate, Short-term: Flowers, Long-term: Clothing/jewelry (the gifts match the life span).

34. Living at home means PDA is necessary. Learn to embrace it.

33. Don’t meet the parents unless you’re serious. It’s a huge step no matter what she tells you.

32. If a woman wakes up and starts to clean your house. Pretend you’re sleeping.

31. When you’re at a loss for words in the morning play this song: “Yo No Se Mañana” by Luis Enrique.

30. Victoria doesn’t share her secret with everyone in Latin America. Proceed with caution.

29. Automatically add 2 bases when utilizing Sangria in cold weather and Clerico in warm weather.

28. If you say you’re going to call and she accepts that, call. If you don’t plan on calling, let her take your number so it’s not on you.

27. Don’t spread yourself too thin. If Zack Morris couldn’t do it, neither can you.

26. Everything is negotiable.

25. Dance Floor Etiquette 1: Ask permission to dance rather than just grinding up behind them like in the States.

24. Dance Floor Etiquette 2: If already on the dance floor, approach women with equal dancing partners or they will turn you down (they won’t leave their friends).

23. Unlike Americans, most Latinas eat their biggest meal for lunch, which is great because that save you money on dinner.

22. Expect to pay for everything with Latin women. However, the keepers will at least give you “the reach”.

21. Long distance relationships don’t work unless you have a definite end goal in sight.

20. Eye contact is amazingly affective. It can be used strategically from the boardroom to the bar (hold longer for added affect).

19. The Door Test rule applies everywhere.

18. Latin women tell you the truth about your lovemaking. Bring your A game.

17. Latin women have never seen “How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days”.

16. If she talks about your relationship status on the second date it’s time to move on. You’re witnessing just the tip of the iceberg. No excuses.

15. If a women calls and hangs up it’s not because she’s pranking you. She doesn’t want to use the credit on her phone. You have to call back.

14. Everything is better when you’re relaxed.

13. Be honest about your intentions and you’ll be surprised at how positive the reaction can be. If not, It will come back to haunt you.

12. What you do and say are two totally different things. Try to keep them on the same page.

11. The key to a women’s heart is through her friends. Embrace her friends and you win the girl (don’t sleep with them).

10. Buckle up every time. I don’t care how good of a driver she is. Understand this has nothing to do with transportation.

9. Treat your courtship with a woman like cooking a steak. You can never un-cook a burnt steak. Think about it.

8. 3 Words: Facebook. Privacy. Settings.

7. Women love men who are caring, thoughtful, funny, smart, strong, loyal, honest, spontaneous, classy, rugged and good lovers… so, just be that.

6.  If a women out of your league seems overly interested calm down and evaluate your chances of being robbed.

5. The fastest way you will learn a language is by dating someone who doesn’t speak yours.

4. Be discreet when talking about your sex life. Like my mom said about this post, “remember, your wife could read this one day.”

3. Always listen to your mother.

2. Dancing leads to sex. if it doesn’t, start taking dance lessons.

1. Never take yourself too seriously.

My name is Gareth Leonard, a Marketing Director turned World Traveler with a passion for slow, meaningful travel. I have been traveling the world full-time for the past 9+ years and document it all on Instagram and YouTube. Come join me!


    1. I was wondering why you mentioned the comment about Ecuadorian women. I have an Ecuadorian girl friend I intend to marry. Are you saying of all the South American countries, Ecuadorians are special? #63

      1. I have an Ecuadorian girlfriend that insists that the MAN pay for everything. She is stuck in a 1950s mentality. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars already, and never an offer. Playing a little hard to get, no sex after 10 dates

    1. I LOVE that you were given and passed the test Christine. I have honestly been using this test since I was 17. The problem now is that everyone has automatic doors…

    1. Thanks Brent! Yeah, the phone credit game is always an entertaining battle. As you know, living in South America makes you appreciate the monthly plans in the States so much more.

  1. Hmmmmmmm…. I have been married to a Latin ‘Lover’ male for 10 years, not sure why he doesn’t think I need to get all these on me! Maybe cause he thinks gringas don’t like to have the doors opened and that I can spend the credit on my own phone 🙂

    Great article, the thing is, most latin men complain about just how high maintaince latinas can be.
    Marina K. Villatoro recently posted..Girls Getaway to Costa Rica – TestimonialMy Profile

    1. Haha, ask him! I think Latinas are a different kind of “high maintenance”. They don’t expect fancy cars or dinners but they do expect more attention and commitment than most American women I’ve met (right away).

  2. I was wondering why you mentioned the comment about Ecuadorian women. I have an Ecuadorian girl friend I intend to marry. Are you saying of all the South American countries, Ecuadorians are special? #63

  3. I must say something about # 16 in particular. It is a cultural thing: We Latin girls either have a boyfriend or not. There is no in-between “dating” thing like in the USA.

    It does not necessarily mean that they want to marry you within the next week (although some do mean it, haha). Rather, they simply don’t want to feel like sluts by just sleeping with you. If you give them that “girlfriend” name, they feel safe to get freaky without being Judged. Some weird cultural safety net they teach us since we are very young.

    Yes, there are some freaks out there, but not all Latinas are alike. I have learned the American way and understood the whole dating without a status/girlfriend name, but for more Latinas, that is very hard to understand.

    Like I said, it is a cultural thing! So don’t freak out so soon, unless you see other dangerous behavior 😉 haha!

    – Maria Alexandra
    Spanish Translator @latinAbroad recently posted..Travel bucket list photos: Get inspired by delicious food and gorgeous views!My Profile

  4. Love the post. So much solid advice. I love how much of this bridges the gaps between American expectations and Latin expectations. That gap is the biggest reason I never go to SA for the women.

  5. I am latinoamerican man, in order to handle a latinoamerican women you have to develop your affetive and intuitive part, I think is like a fusion of your mind, heart and testicles and dive in the amazing world of feelings, passion and femininity of latinoamerican women. It could be addictive.

  6. I believe this might be true, but i prefer staying in Latin America than messing with some gringa that has no meat lol.. Anyways, if any gringo want to come here make sure u get marry otherwise u will regret ur life while watching Sofia vergara´s show on tv with a gringa next to u lol

  7. Dance Floor Etiquette 2: If already on the dance floor, approach women with equal dancing partners or they will turn you down (they won’t leave their friends)
    HAHAHA An argentinean classic (but let me tell you that it’s an excuse when they don’t want to dance with you)

  8. If you Are a White american Do Not marry one of these nutjobs….dont follow the little head. Race fetishes have no place in marriage….caveat emptor. …for real.

  9. An online ttaoslarnr gave me Hodie est a bonus dies morior.And although the roots look good, I can only vouch personally for the hodie est and the dies.bonus looks bogus to me and morior–well, maybe too much influenced by my poor Spanish and Italian since my study of Latin to say about that one.

  10. First off great advice. I’ve been contemplating weather or not to move to Nicaragua or Ecuador for a few years now hopefully both. Possibly get in the real estate game over there. . I lived in south florida my whole life and to be quite honest I’m fed up here and now that I’ve reached the ripe age of 40 I’m tired. I’m sick of jumping through hoops just to get a date. Party days are pretty done. I love the ocean and I have to live by the ocean and as you know it cost few million to live by the water here anyway just wondering if you have any advice for me other then the 69 lessons. Also 2 ?s wanted to know what you meet about wearing a seat belt every time? Why did you like the Ecuadorian women so much?

  11. I liked the article. Well written and humorous. I just wish you would learn the difference between WOMAN and WOMEN and use them properly. It makes you look like you didn’t finish 8th grade English class.

  12. I’m Mexican. This made me laugh. I meet this Danish guy, and he ended up falling in love with me. We dated for 7 months but decided to end it due to he said I was totally different from Danish girls. Well duh :p
    We are quite harsh is some ways

  13. I have dated about 4 different latin women (2 mexicans, 2 colombians). They loved it when i gave them oral sex, but they didnt reciprocate. Unlike anerican women, they didnt seem to like giving blowjobs to completion.

    Was it my badluck, or is giving blowjobs to completion taboo in latin america?

    Anyone else have this experience?


  14. I have dated about 4 different latin women (2 mexicans, 2 colombians). They loved it when i gave them oral sex, but they didnt reciprocate. Unlike anerican women, they didnt seem to like giving blowjobs to completion.

    Was it my badluck, or is giving blowjobs to completion taboo in latin america?

  15. LOL … great one! And the hanging up the phone for you to call them back due to credit – EVERY time! every single time I’m in Bolivia my family and friends do that to me and it makes me laugh! Now I do that to them too. Haha.
    The rest I can’t say I’m fully endoctrinated as a Latin woman, mainly because I lived in Germany as kid (side note – no one cares about)
    Anyway. I’m glad I came across your page.

  16. You definitely deserve what happened to you (no.16). American guys just do not want commitments in general. And only in America you can say that they’re dating for three years. Anyways, maybe she’s not really the one for you and I hope that she gets what she deserves. Comment from the Philippines

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